The Tragic Biography of Mickey the Key Chain

This week for Gernant's ECTA class, we did a garbology writing assignment. Basically, we had to pick out a piece of garbage, study it, jot down our observations, and write a piece of prose fiction about our item. I picked a Mickey Mouse Club key chain.

Mickey was born, born a pauper to a pawn, in China. He immediately immigrated to America to work at Disney World. In America, Mickey faced terrible persecution. Some of the other key chains accused him of being a communist sympathizer, just because of his national origin. It didn’t help that Mickey only wore red, every day. He couldn’t help it, it was the only shirt he owned.

Fortunately, China started to make everything for America, including all of Disney’s cheap souvenirs. Mickey could stop worrying about the red scare, but now he had a new problem: at $10 he was just one little overpriced key chain in a million.

Years later, he was purchased by a Lutheran family visiting Disney World with their three year old son, Martin. Martin liked to shake Mickey like a rattle, and put him in his mouth and suck on him because, after all, Mickey did resemble a red lollipop. Mickey didn’t mind; he loved his new owner.

By the time Marty turned five, Mickey had become his good luck charm. Marty got into the habit of spinning Mickey around on his finger when he got bored. It made Mickey very dizzy, but he got through it by pretending to be a cosmonaut. After all, spinning around rapidly was sort of like being in a centrifuge. When the G-force exceeded maximum capacity and Mickey flew off Martin’s finger, it was just like lift off. However, all of Mickey’s space flights ended in crash landings, leaving him nicked, scuffed, and scarred for life. Even worse, Mickey’s dreams of being the first to reach the moon were dashed by the Americans and Neil Armstrong.

When Martin turned 16, Mickey discovered his true calling: drag racing! Mickey enjoyed the thrill of the race even more than Marty, and brought him victory every time with his good luck.

Unfortunately, Martin’s mommy, discovering his secret life, decided her son needed to grow up and slipped Mickey into the trash. Marty searched furiously for his old friend, but Mickey was gone.

Mickey thought he was done for, but by a twist of fate, he was rescued by a Concordia college student. Mickey is now enjoying a quiet retirement, sharing lengthy conversations with his fellow key chains, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, and the mini eight ball. Despite their differences, they are the best of friends. However, the eight ball keeps trying to predict Mickey’s future. He seems to think that, eventually, Mickey will be surreptitiously thrown in the trash by their owner’s mother. Who knows what the future holds for Mickey the Keychain?